jealousy

looking from the cute little kitchen window of my almost playboy mansion resemblé heart, jealousy is a neccessity. like a vessel to keep breathing. if you manage to keep the inhale/exhale rhythm tolerable, it pumps clean blood to your veins.

however, as you can imagine, things are not always as smooth as strawberry cream. so while pumping life, you can easily end up dead. strangely enough, jealousy has the potential of ripping your heart out and feed them to the pigeons in front of that cute little window.

the tricky part is this: the line between madness and cutesy is so thin that, even if you're the most talented rope dancer of all times, you may find yourself tip-toeing on the edge of lava boiling madness. in the blink of an eye. simple as that.

cute/silly part is easy. more or less it goes like this:

boy - that girl is beautifuull. jeez!
girl - oh, shut up! she's a fat ass!
b - i like fat asses.. (ehe ehe...)
g - i don't have a fat ass?!
b - i like your ass too... (heehee)
g - but you also like the fat ones?
b - yeah, but, she's beyonce for god sakes!
g - so you fancy beyonce more than me?
b - of course not! don't be silly! you're my girl...
g - (batting eye lashes) really?
b- yeah..
g - let's make out
b - let's do that...

the mad part though, is rather complicated. cause it usually involves an inner monologue more than a decent conversation. even ravings, i might say... and it goes like this:

inner self1: maybe it is nothing... maybe she's just a friend...
inner self2: but if she is, why did the bitch invites him over in the middle of the night?
i.s.1: but he didn't go, did he?
i.s.2: he would, if i didn't call right after...
i.s.1: he didn't go because, he respects me..
i.s.2: yeah, perfect, he respects me! what a relief. respect all you like. if that girl makes one more move he will be drooling all over!
i.s.1: come to think now... yeah.. he once said she has gorgeous legs.
i.s.2: he did, didn't he? what a bastard! and i stand here babble about respect! respect my ass!
i.s.1: he doesn't love me.
i.s.2: he wants to fuck her.
i.s.1: maybe he already did.
i.s.2: what maybe? most definitely he did!
i.s.1: fuck that bitch!
i.s.2: will he go to her funeral if she dies?
i.s.1: i think he will...
i.s.2: will he come visit me if i was put in jail?
i.s.1: don't think so...
i.s.2: shit, this is lame...
i.s.1: i need a drink!

so, cliche maybe, but in the end, the only self-healer is trust. because -bowing before j.t.leroy- i might say, "the heart is deceitful above all things..."

Songs you should NEVER listen

so, the songs below constitute extreme danger for the heart.



handle them with care, handle your mind with care. we're not on top of olympia. none of us girls have the heart of hera and i don't think none of the real boys have the mind of a heinlein robot.



that is to say, humans are fragile and mostly stupid enough to hurt themselves intentionally.



1 - damien rice - "accidental babies"

avoid if;

- you found out that you've been cheated.

- you learned that your ex has moved on so fast

- you realized that you're forgotten, while you keep thinking about the same scenes over and over again.

- he/she has a new boy/girlfriend.

- you're aware that there's no turning back, but still painfully hope that there's still a chance.

- if you miss him/her deadly, however can't help but picture with someonelse.



lines to avoid the most-if you're jealous:

"do you cum? together ever with him? and is he dark enough? enough to see your light? and do you brush your teeth before you kiss? do you miss my smell?"



lines to avoid the most - if you regret everything gone wrong, but still shamelessly hopeful:
"well i know i make you cry and i know sometimes you wanna die but do you really feel alive without me? if so: be free. if not: leave him for me. before one of us has accidental babies. "

2 - brand new - "you won't know"

avoid after;

- a harsh harsh break up

avoid if;

-the person you left behind doesn't care about you a bit. even maybe barely remembers you.

- no matter how indifferent he/she reacts, you're aware of the fact that you had a long, intense, even mutually loving relationship at one point.

- you have suicidal tendencies.

- you're a fuckin emo who has a thing for razorblades.



lines to avoid most - if you're desperately in love:

"i wish that i could tell you right now, "i love you"but it looks like i won't be around,so you won't know..."

lines to avoid most - if you're, well, simply an emo:
"so they say,they say "in heaven there's no husbands and wives".on the day that i show up,they'll be completely out of their forgiveness supplies.and i cant use the telephone to tell you that i'm dead and gone...so you won't know."

3 - elvis costello - "i want you"

avoid if;

- you have an obssesive compulsive disorder. fixate almost on anything.

- you can barely sleep because of "the stupid details" about the girl or the boy.

- you can never get enough

- you're a nympho

- you can't decide whether you're in love or plain horny.

- you have the potential of murder, go berserk by the mere thought of the other guy/girl.

- you've been cheated, dumped, lied to.. same bullshit as always.

lines to avoid;

1. "it's the stupid details that my heart is breaking forit's the way your shoulders shake and what they're shaking for"

2. "it's the thought of him undressing you or you undressing"

3. "did you call his name out as he held you down? oh no my darling not with that clown"

simple isn't it?..

Me! Me! Me!

for the glory of the blog! i hereby promise to spill all my beans, here, where no one knows and no one cares..


this should be fun:

let's start with fav's...


1 - morning glory: which is an oasis album, a flower, a notebook (or generally stationary) label and the feeling i get sometimes when i somehow manage to retain a smile after i woke up . nice...


2 - peaches: they remind me of some super pink, mellow, naive summer afternoons. like them with biscuits, milk or plain as always.


3 - photo magic: being scared of narcisism as hell, i have a schizoid love hate relationship with self-photography. usually i find myself uncomfotably blushed looking at a horrendous photo of mine, but sometimes, a magical light saves the day and the pic turns out great, which then i feel like staring at a starnger's eyes. weird but tingly sweet.


4 - super silly cat behaviour: this has nothing to explain apparently. cats are silly. they act awfully meaningless and silly. them being silly makes me smile like no other.


5 - love: hey, i can be cheesy sometimes, can't i?
6 - damien rice: this one is somehow problematic. damien rice usually makes me wanna tear my heart out and eat it with jelly and custard on the side. this crystal irish man manages to trigger my inner drama queen so badly that at the end of just three songs i unleash my little emo minions to take over the life around me, which is the room i'm in simply. still love it. can't live without it.

7 - sunshine: yes, i love it. who doesn't?


8 - beauty: once, on a drunken night out, i found my self babbling about having only beautiful friends . i was determined that i can't be friends with ugly people.(disgusting i know) come to think of it, yes. all of my girls (im from the hood y'all) are beautiful. and im loving them being so uniquely good looking. i feel safe around beauty. love all things that have an essence of beauty in it. arts, nature, a glamourous dinner table, a cherry pie, shoes, all count... can't say the same thing for "beautiful" boys though.


9 - weird eyes: me and cobain have something in common. when i first read his diary, i was astonished by this sentence with his bad handwriting: "i like girls with weird eyes". Exactly. Most definitely. I loovve people with weird eyes. i like the crazy, sparkly light in them, i love their funny shapes, i love how they move like they belong to a scared bunny, i like a good glare, fire, anger and compassion too... i even like cross eyed people. weird is beautiful.


10 - gaming: when i was 8 years old, while playing with barbies, suddenly i had this shocking fear that if the years pass this fast, i may find myself not wanting to play anymore! Like all the adults around me i might have got bored of playing! ridicilous! then i kinda made a promise, that i wont ever quit playing. games are life. life is not a game though. so barbies are gone now, but thank god video games remain. i cant live without'em. blow up, build up, battle up, live it up. i passed the treshold of boredom now, i guess.



the list goes on of course... this will be a series it seems. let it be. it's mine. i can do whatever i want with it.



gg.

level of cuteness

(cute?)

this super cute/romantic/flo/flo/oh so sweet photo shoot of adam brody and rachel bilson reminds me of creepy stuff somehow. being one of the most iconicly chick couples of the decade, seth and summer of the o.c. were constantly thinking of marriage, moving together, this and that . As of fourth season, they were in an useless grown-up frenzy of "what will we become?", "where is this goin?" kinda shiz.

they were 17/18, right? -- sure a more superpowered oc brain will know this petite detail by heart.

too much for my teen drama senses. they should be kissing, smooching, breaking up for the reasons like, you spilled milkshake on me, didn't bring me a yoo-hoo when i most needed one, and then get back together and smooch again. im not even talking about shagging.

what the hell ive become, don't know the reason behind my ridicilous prudism. maybe beacuse i take my cutesies, clean and huggable, just like i take my teddy bear.

dont get married, dont pop out babies and hand them out to brangelina before you have a brain stained enough of vodka, a heart broken enough, a body which you came to know that you're getting bored and a bank account enough to feed at least 10 cats and an aquarium full of piranhas. i can only take supergenious juno as my girl for that matter. she's an exception, close to my heart as always.

thanks to diablo.