The Cheat Loop

Cheating, along with lying is wrapped around a tricky vicious circle. a cursed loop i might say. it reminds me of having class skipping as a habbit you can't break. it gradually grows, expands, spreads its roots to every extent of your life, tangles it up and you end up with a broken china in hand, trying to glue the precious pieces of your life. how pathetic is that.



in a way, it is a way of self destruction. if the biggest concern behind your tainted intention to cheat is not revenge - i'm talking about a real hunger for revenge - then, i can't find a reason to do so, if again you're not a freakin self destructor.



Because, all the cheaters around the world (a.t.c.a.t.w), (you should form a guild, organize group theraphy meetings, or make evil plans to rule the world and eventually end life on earth by cheating away) would agree that, after the act, you stop and stare for ridicilous amounts of hours with the curl in your stomach, with hunched down shoulders, head between your hands, thinking "why?", "was it worth it?", "what have i done?", "what will happen next?".



again, a.t.c.a.t.w would probably agree that, there's no fun in it at all. i'm excluding the exception of an evil revenge fuck and the demonic laughter comes right after it. if you're not a human being purely equiped with ammunation of evil, you don't say "that was fun!" after shagging the night away with a stranger or an ex, while your all-loving and trusting significant other is waiting for you to come home.



so, what's the point? maybe some would suggest that it is the "thrill of the moment",the excitement you sickly get from doing something forbidden. bullshit. first of all, there's no thrill in that act itself. most of the part you spend absorbed with the thoughts of "what am i doing? what am i doing? what am i doing?!" obviously, it is hard to be thrilled with the poisonous guilt rushing through your veins, but again, a self-destructor can easily enter an orgasmic mode, with all the guilt, the sadness, the frightening insecurity of the wrong side of the road.



excitement? not so much. if we're talking about the forbidden fruit fixation, then i might suggest public sex. the cheating scene is usually falls short, when it comes to satisfy the expectations. you think it would be the best you've ever had, a magical moment you could not resist, fireworks, a moment so thrilling that you would be excused when you say "how was i to resist something like that?"



but no. it usually goes wrong. i'm not just talking about the sex. if you go out for dinner, to talk, to get intimate about some question marks digging up your mind, maybe to feel romantic and flirty. that goes wrong too. because you always sit on that table, or lie in that bed with a split mind. half of you is somewhere far away strugling with your conscience. concentration, full intimacy, truthfulness, warmth, compassion is out of question. the dinner is cold, so as the bed.



ok, so a.t.c.a.t.w understand that this is bad. you feel like shit. but they keep on doing it. "no satisfaction."



simple as that, really. most of them are hopeless attention cravers, they are incapable of love most of the time, but in desperate need to be loved no matter what, they are strangers to their inner-self, don't know what they want, don't know how to find... so they find themselves trapped in this cheat loop every time.





so a piece of advice for a.t.c.a.t.w: take a u turn, or watch U Turn the movie, see how j.lo handles relationships, or her ass for that matter.





life is peachy.